22 Apr 2017

Diet Coke Won’t Cause Stroke, But Reading Sensationalistic Headlines Might

A new study closely controlled several groups of identical twins with identical diets, identical body weights, identical exercise regimens, identical lives and stress levels, and had one of them drink diet soda and the other not. Then it followed them for many years to determine that diet soda fucks you

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19 Apr 2017

Stressed Out? Get Relief with Exercise

Do you ever feel like making a voodoo doll in the image of your boss, stabbing it full of pins, twisting its head off, then setting it on fire? I remember those days. Speaking of the old days, here’s to the good old mammoth-slaying Stone Age, when we knew how

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08 Apr 2017

Muscles and Misogyny: Sexism in the Fitness Industry

When you have a mom like mine, it’s difficult to grow up to be a sexist piece of shit. Please note that for the remainder of this article, the word “sexist” will always be followed by the words “piece of shit.” Because accurate. It’s 2017, for fuck’s sake. Grow a

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06 Apr 2017

To Lose Weight, All You Need Is Love

If I work out just four hours in four weeks it means I contracted Ebola. My warm ups take longer than eight minutes in the morning. In as little as 20 minutes, three times a week I might burn off one piece of pie. I’m curious what happens on day 18

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