Let me explain how
this works: by using this feature you agree that you are gutless.
If you want to make a referral to this website – essentially telling
the recipient of said referral you think they’re fat – then just do it. I’m sure you can figure out how
to type or copy and paste www.bodyforwife.com into an email and send it off to them. If you try really hard you might be able to send it to more than one person.
Or, maybe you don’t
want them to know that you’re the one who told them what everyone else already thinks. Since you may know more
than one fat person I’ll give you space for five emails. If you decide that you want to remain anonymous then I’ll
give you two options for doing so: the nice way, and the not so nice way.
Oh, and remember that this feature is only to be used for referring MEN
to this site. If you send it to a woman then I'm pretty sure you'll burn in Hell. Don't send it to anyone
who can't take a joke either.
I’ll start off with the “not so nice” one first, because that’s just the kind
of guy I am. Here is what they’ll receive:
Subject line: Someone thinks you’re fat
Content of Email:
Please, bear with me. This may take some explaining.
Someone who knows your email address; they may be your friend, foe, or family
member, inputted it on the “anonymous referral” function of my website: www.bodyforwife.com.
Body for Wife: The Family Guy’s Guide to Getting in
Shape, is a completely free resource for, well, fat family guys. Essentially, the person who made sure you received this
email believes you fall into that category. My apologies if you don’t.
The way I see things, you have two choices:
- Get all pissy trying to figure out who made this referral
- Actually go to the website because when you look
at your gut you don’t like what you see
If it helps you in
making the right decision, Body for Wife is written by a typical family guy, for the typical family guy. If you value political
correctness or are offended by off-color humor, then stay away. Again, all the information at this site is provided at no
cost.
That
website again: www.bodyforwife.com. I think it probably qualifies as "work safe," although I guess that depends on what kind of fascist organization
you work for.
Best
regards,
James
S. Fell
Fit Family Guy
P.S. I feel duty
bound to inform you that the person who made this referral may not like you very much. They had a choice of selecting the
“kinder, gentler” referral letter, but instead they chose the “just tell him he’s fat”
letter.
Hey,
don’t blame me. I'm just the messenger.
P.P.S. I have NOT added you to my e-newsletter.
I never actually get to see your email address using this function. Your email has not been stored anywhere.
If you want to sign up yourself, it’s at the bottom of the Home page or on the Contact James page.
Send the fat GUY (or GUYS - no women) this email (But read the note at the bottom of this page first)
And now the one for
the anonymous referrer who isn’t a complete asshole:
Subject Line: Someone is concerned about your health
Content of Email:
Please, bear with me. This may take some explaining.
Someone who knows your email address,
they may be a friend or a family member, inputted it on the “anonymous referral” function of my website: www.bodyforwife.com.
Body
for Wife: The Family Guy’s Guide to Getting in Shape, is a completely free resource for family guys who could use
some old-fashioned guy advice for building muscle and losing fat. The person who made sure you received this email believes
the information there could be of benefit to you. I apologize if this email doesn’t apply to you, or if receiving it
upset you.
If
you are concerned about the kind of shape you’re in, then rather than worrying about who sent you this email perhaps
you should visit my website. If it helps you in making the right decision, Body for Wife is written by a typical family guy,
for the typical family guy. Again, all the information at this site is provided at no cost.
I must warn you of one thing: the content
contains some off-color humor. If you value political correctness, then please stay away.
That website again: www.bodyforwife.com. I think it probably qualifies as "work safe," although I guess that depends on what kind of organization you work
for.
Best regards,
James S. Fell
Fit Family Guy
P.S. I have NOT added
you to my e-newsletter. I never actually get to see your email address using this function. You’re email has
not been stored anywhere. If you want to sign up yourself, it’s at the bottom of the Home page or on the Contact
James page.
Tell the overweight GUY (or GUYS - no women) that you are concerned about their health.
This one sucks. Send HIM (NOT her) the other one.
A Final Note about Using this Feature First off, if you are concerned
about your identity then I can assure you it is truly anonymous. We’re not saving IP addresses that will allow angry
fat people to track you down and throw a bucket of flesh-eating bacteria in your face because you ruined their day.
Second, if you do decide to send out the asshole version of this email, it
is intended to be used only as a joke on your MALE friends (NEVER SEND IT TO A WOMAN). Let them sweat if for a couple
of hours and then email them yourself and say, “Hey, fat boy! It was me. Neener, neener.”
I wish to
note that I test marketed this idea with both men and women. Ninety percent of women thought it was a terrible idea, so I'm
not kidding when I write that you should NEVER send either email to a woman. You are total scum if you do. Men,
on the other hand, gave me a 100% (out of 11 guys) approval rating, so here we are.
I don't want you using
this feature to be mean to someone - it's meant to either be a joke or to honestly help someone. If you want to be mean
and remain anonymous, go here instead (not affiliated).
Do as you will.
