14 Sep 2018

The 13 Multi-Level Marketers You Meet in Hell

If heaven is for clean people, it’s vacant. —Matthew Good My guess is the universe is just a bunch of shit that happened and we’re little more than semi-sentient stardust meat sacks on a small rock circling an insignificant ball of burning gas until we dirt nap. Eternity sounds like

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11 Sep 2018

Fitness Shouldn’t Be a Midlife Crisis

I felt like my body was falling apart. Were it not for the bombing at the finish line of the 2013 Boston Marathon, I’d likely never have become a qualifier. I had one marathon under my belt in 2012 with a 3:52 time. The thought of chopping almost half an

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05 Sep 2018

Dear Costco Shoppers: This Is Why We Hate You

“I despise all humanity.” This was a text I sent my wife, from Costco. Another time I sent her one from that hellscape that read, “This world can only be cleansed by fire.” It’s not the store. The store is fine. It’s the mindless muppets with the collective IQ of

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30 Aug 2018

Everyone Has the Right to Be Sexy

Once again, the internet missed the point. My opinion of what you find attractive is twofold: None of my business. None of anyone else’s business. I outlined that second point in an article “Stop Advertising What You Do and Don’t Find Attractive.” You have every right to desire whatever look, height,

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