There are benefits to going public.

There is an episode of The Simpsons where Homer starts secretly working out at night. Considering how lazy Homer usually is it’s surprising he would succeed in such a manner. There are three basic levels of healthy lifestyle adherence:

1. Fear
2. Duty
3. Passion

Duty works reasonably well in the short and moderate terms. Duty is where you feel you must be healthy in order to be a capable husband and father (and even an employee). You realize you can’t help or look after people if you’re dead, so you are prompted to get in shape in order to fulfill your duties. Looking at your kids lying asleep in their beds at night gives you a frequent reminder of these duties, so it works better and longer than fear does. In, essence, duty can be a powerful tool in bridging the gap between fear and passion as motivators.

I’ve drilled it into your head that passion is necessary to succeed. My entire approach in this book has been focused around the development of that passion.

Back to duty for a moment: when you go public with your goals then you make yourself accountable to others. In Chapter 2 I stressed the importance of avoiding the all or nothing mentality and that applies here as well. Don’t tell people “I absolutely will succeed at getting in shape” because this creates a stressor that can have a negative effect on the development of passion. However, if you let those you care about know that you are “going to try your very best to get in shape” then it makes for a more flexible schedule and can make the entire process less stressful for you. You no longer feel as though people are “accusing” when you miss a couple of workouts or eat poorly, but instead can benefit from their support.

Who’s in charge here?

I get bitched at regularly about the food choices in the house. I’ve raised them with healthy eating, but they know full well what junk food is. They go to parties, we have parties, they see what their friends get in their lunches, they spend their allowance at the convenience store etc.

They still eat more junk food than I like, but far less than many of their peers. I hear a lot of moaning about this.

I tell them to suck it up.

It’s not just your health we’re discussing in this book. By having mostly healthy food choices in the house then everyone will be better off. As I mentioned in Chapter 13, if you make the decision to get most of your Calories from the grocery store (Diet Rule #1) then not having a bunch of junk food in your house makes it a lot easier to resist temptation – especially when junk food cravings hit before bed.

As for the kids, they aren’t going to stop complaining about the new household eating strategy and the reduction in available junk food, pizza, McDonald’s trips etc.

They’ll live; probably much longer.

Unless you made a big mistake when taking your wedding vows, she can be your biggest source of support. Any significant other falls into this category.

You Wife and Exercise

• If she already is an exerciser then she will understand and be supportive of your efforts. Depending on what she is into then you may or may not want to exercise with her.
• If she isn’t into exercise then it can be a great motivational tool for both of you to start doing it together. She may not want to start, however, which you should not allow to derail you in your efforts to get in shape. My wife wasn’t into weightlifting or running and did not share my interest in getting in shape all those years ago (fortunately she didn’t need to be concerned about her weight both for genetic reasons and because she ate a healthy diet – that, and she was only 22). It was years later when she discovered her passion, which is karate.

One problem with exercising together is if you have small children then this can create issues with scheduling. If they don’t require babysitting then you have more flexibility.

At first a wife can be very supportive, but once you become fit as well as passionate about exercise – a situation that leads to you doing it more frequently – scheduling can become an issue. There is the occasion that she’ll see me suiting up for an extra run and roll her eyes. I can tell she would rather I stay home to do something with her and the kids. There are also times that I have a business lunch and get up early to go to the gym to compensate, meaning the alarm wakes her up early and she’s on her own for getting the kids off to school.

She doesn’t complain about it that often, but it does happen.

Your Wife and Healthy Eating

This one can go either way.

If your wife is in charge of the groceries and cooking, and she prefers unhealthy eating (and not eager to change), then you have a problem. This isn’t a marriage book and I’m no expert in marital counseling. I can give some basic guy advice on this subject, but that’s about it:

• The need to switch to healthier eating is for you and the kids – don’t bring up her eating habits, her weight, or her health – she knows this already
• Talk about the need to provide a good example for the kids
• Follow the process of gradual change outlined in this book. Don’t go for the all or nothing shift to healthy eating.
• Get involved in the process. Help with grocery shopping, menu planning and cooking whenever possible.

Conversely, she may prefer healthier food or be excited about eating better, in which case this becomes a lot easier.

Conversation is good.

Get them involved in your plans. Talk about this with your wife and children and get everyone’s support, encouragement and advice. Discuss ways that you can engage in more activity as a family. This has the ability to bring you all closer together, so take advantage of it.

And try not to turn the family hike into a death march.

This one is up to you. You don’t have to tell anyone squat.

However, if you start going to the gym at lunch and eating better then people are going to notice. My one caution is not to over-commit yourself by making outlandish statements about how you’re going to look like a fitness model. Just say that you’ve decided to start exercising and eating better. Or say nothing. You may decide it is none of their business.

However, you may wish to join a group of other exercisers at work, in which case you need to be accepted into this group. More on that in the next chapter.

Family support is a requirement and needs to be garnered through conversation, planning and understanding. Friends and co-workers can also be a source of support, but are much less critical to your success.