02 Apr 2017

Penis Size is a Weak Insult

A guy in a jacked-up truck with tires the size of Trump’s ego, powered by a planet-killing engine blasting black smoke, tears through your neighborhood. The engine roars like the world is coming to an end and makes the windows on your house rattle. He’s doing double the speed limit

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28 Mar 2017

Modern Tinfoil Causes Seizures, Aneurysms, and Loss of Bowel Control

Those damn lizard overlords. Is there no level to which they won’t lower themselves? New research published in the International Journal of Chemtrail Science reveals that Big Airline, Big Pharma, Big GMO, Big Flouride, and Big Bigly have launched an astroturfing army of shills to create a diabolical new conglomerate:

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27 Mar 2017

Paleo Chef Pete Evans has Gone to the Dietary Derp Side

In the 1982 version of The Thing, a science fiction movie starring Kurt Russel at his best, there is a scene where the alien has taken over someone’s body, and then … if you’ve never seen the movie this is kind of hard to describe … the alien can do

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20 Mar 2017

Detoxing Is Bullshit (Except When It’s Not)

I was in Las Vegas for a press trip a while back, and I was in a lot of pain. I have a low back that is the envy of 90 year olds o’er the land (bulging discs between L4-L5 and L5-S1). Usually it works okay, but once every couple

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