This is where political correctness comes to die.
There’s an over-abundance of poo, vomit and farts described with ample profanity in these tales of woe. You have been warned.
This is not a blog. If you’re looking for fitness advice, read my articles, because this place reads more like a “how not to” of life. However, if you’re looking to waste time and lower your IQ, you’ve come to the right place.
I’ve written a number of stupid stories of my various misadventures. Some are fitness related, and others are just about a reptile I wish was dead. Behold my life, and have pity.
I Can’t Look at You – Written May 19, 2013
My head hurts. Again.
Here Comes Honey Bee Bee – Written September 18, 2012
Mother Nature needs a Midol.
The Fart Game – Written April 20, 2009
Don’t pretend like you’ve never played it.
Rush of Endorphins - Written September 3, 2011
A Nut to Remember – Written November 21, 2009
And we never played that game again.
The God of the iPod - Written April 14, 2009
A funny thing happened on the way home from a really crappy run.
Justifiable Repticide – Written May 14, 2009 – September 30, 2009
My daughter has a pet bearded dragon. I want it to die.
The Cheslatta River Race – Written June 17, 2010
My dad said I made him look good, but he’s being modest.
A Dog-Gone Shame – Written September 19, 2011
Boromir is a Dick – Written July 10, 2009
I love my TV.
The Underwear Affair – Written June 6, 2009
Old man strength exacts a heavy toll.
Inchy the Caterpillar- Written July 2, 2009
What can I say? It’s a story about a bug.
How NOT to Run in Cold Weather – Written February 27, 2009
There are certain parts of the male anatomy that should never be allowed to get frostbite.
Oops! I Did It Again – Written December 4, 2010
It’s a story about my penis.
Adventures in Manscaping - Written May 7, 2009
The Smell of Fear – Written November 6, 2011
The Old Testament God – Written September 25, 2010
Ewe First- Written March 8, 2010
The Hills Have Eyes, and They’re Watching You Pee- Written March 3, 2010
I’m still trying to figure out if running is going to help me live longer or just kill me outright.
The Thousand Yard Stare – Written July 6, 2010
Whatever happened to just going out to look at naked chicks?
The Call of the Walrus- Written June 11, 2010
Reader discretion is advised.
Much Ado About Stuffing – Written May 15, 2012
The Physiological Response to Being So Very Pissed Off – Written April 20, 2010
It’s a fine balance between bonking and fudging.
Slip Slidin’ Away – Written April 2, 2010
It’s not about Paul Simon, but it does involve short people.
Don’t Touch the Cephalopod – Written March 7, 2010
You might get your face sucked off.
Felt Up By a Stingray – Written March 5, 2010
Not all stingrays want to stab you in the heart.
The Rubber Glove Treatment – Written November 18, 2009
You may find this uncomfortable.
Dairy Queen, Alice Cooper, and the Fire Woman – Written September 1, 2009
When fate intervenes, make sure you’re paying attention.
Red Wine Rhinoplasty – Written August 26, 2009
My mom blames improper footwear, but I blame the booze.
The World’s Coolest Job – Written July 27, 2009
Seize that day and kick its ass.
The Live Show – Written June 29, 2009
What has been seen cannot be un-seen.
My White Trash Neighbors – Written June 23, 2009
Karma is a bitch.
Hoop Earring Girl and other Interesting Gym Patrons – Written June 18, 2009
Over 16 years of pumping iron, I’ve seen a lot of strange people.
A Tale of Two Junior High Schools - Written May 11, 2009
Nothing helps male teenage angst like punching another guy in the nose.
Hide Your Shame - Written March 22, 2009
A drunken rafter gets pwned by my daughter.
Frozen Peas and Tylenol Threes – Written March 10, 2009
The not so happy story of my vasectomy.
Tooth-to-Tattoo Ratio – Written July 20, 2010
Never trust anyone with a neck tattoo.
315 – Written February 15, 2010
It’s a stupid guy thing.
Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers – Written January 16, 2010
Can you still call it nostalgia if it’s bad?
Death by Misadventure – Written March 12, 2009
Alcohol plus sharp pointy things equals a potential Darwin Award winner.