Workout partners can be great for motivation, or they can kill it. As I mentioned in Chapter 2 (Motivation), a workout partner is an extrinsic (external) motivator. You have no control over this kind of motivation; if he goes sideways so can you. If you decide that you’re going to get a partner, consider that forewarned is forearmed.

To be a great partner, the person needs to:

• Have goals similar to yours
• Have a schedule similar to yours
• Have similar skill and strength level
• Be motivated to succeed and encouraging of you (this works both ways)
• Not be too chatty
• Agree to follow the same workout plan as you
• Be a friend – someone you like spending time with

If you can find that person, then you’re in luck. I hope you’ll be very happy together.

If you do get a good one the motivational aspects can be considerable, not just for getting to the gym, but for how hard you work once you get there. Still, there are pitfalls. You can become dependent upon them for motivation. If they don’t feel like going to the gym, if they give up, if they get sick, if they go on vacation… all these things can derail you. Even if they miss one day it can throw your schedules out of synch. It is a difficult relationship to manage, and although the benefits can be high, they’re not as high as the benefits a good wife will give you.

Remember what I wrote in Chapter 2 about intrinsic (comes from within) being the best form of motivation because you aren’t dependent on anyone else for it. You must build your internal motivation to succeed long-term. A workout partner should be someone who you look to give you an edge, not someone you depend upon for your willpower.

In fifteen years of weightlifting I had a workout partner for three of them. It was good.

We worked together and went to the gym at lunch together. We had similar skills, strength and goals. We made each other go on days when one of us didn’t feel like it and we made each other work harder. We became good friends.

Then I got a higher paying job somewhere else.

I never let my dedication lag because I’d developed my intrinsic motivation for eight years before meeting him by working out alone. He, on the other hand… well, we’re still friends and I don’t want to write anything bad about the size of his gut. He’s been reading this book and is getting back into exercise now [NOTE: Shameless self-plug].

This mostly applies to the lunchtime or after-work exercise sessions. It can work with a neighbor for the weekend workouts as well. I call them semi-workout partners because you travel to the gym together, but you don’t exercise together. I’ve got one of these now. We have a half mile jog to the gym so we get a chance to chat about work on the way over, and about the babes at the gym on the way back.

I don’t need him to get to the gym, but there are times that I kick his ass and make him go. He gets someone to help motivate him, and I get someone who shares my appreciation of raunchy humor to talk to.

I used to run with a guy a few years ago but I found that I didn’t like talking while I run because of the pace I prefer – I have a tendency to break the sing-talk test I mentioned in Chapter 15. Instead, I’d rather listen to my iPod.

More important for me is the scheduling. I can’t ask a partner to meet me where my kids go to karate. Every once in a while when I’ve got ample spare time I will ask a fellow runner if they want to meet me at a nice location for a run (usually on a hot day where there will be lots of scantily-clad mobile scenery – such things are best enjoyed with a friend), but the vast majority of the running I do is solo.

This is a personal preference – you may like doing aerobic activity with another person. Again, they need to be a similar skill level. You don’t want to pair up with someone who will leave you in the dust or vice-versa.

There are other activities such as racquet sports where you have to have a partner. Again, you don’t want to pair up with someone whose skill level is vastly different than yours. Whether or not you can find such a person decides if you engage in those activities.

The workout partner is a double-edged sword. If you start off with a good one it can increase your chances of becoming a regular exerciser, but if something changes in that relationship then it can end up removing a prime source of motivation. It may be that, because you have a workout partner, you never build up a strong intrinsic motivation.

Intrinsic motivation is difficult to develop, although it is critical to do so for long-term success. Also remember that it can make you better at healthy eating. Your workout partner isn’t going to be there telling you what to eat.